Someone Must Die

DSCN9145

I love happy endings. Sunshine breaking through the trees and glittering across the snow. Love and laughter and wrongs made right. But I realized something remarkable as I was reading the other day. I was finishing up Book 12, the last of a longstanding Middle Grade series. Much peril and victory had occurred and it looked like the series was finally going to have a happy ending. I wanted a happy ending, I really really did. Yet, I was just a teensey bit disappointed. What was wrong? What was missing from this fun and fabulous conclusion full of tension and victory?

And then, unexpectedly, someone you loved, someone you didn’t even realize that you loved, died. They died sacrificially, to save another, to make up for the fact that they hadn’t been able to save someone else, long long ago. That was when I realized something important.

Someone has to die.

It doesn’t even have to be an actual death, a death to themselves, their dreams and wishes. But whether it is a metaphorical death or the character truly giving their life, someone has to die. Our sense of art and story demand a sacrifice.

Why is that?

Could it be that all stories speak of the great story? There are certain elements that must be present for a reader to walk away from a tale satisfied. Could it be that those vital elements of story come from the story that is told all around us. A story of creation and decay, of love and betrayal and sacrifice. Is God’s quest for our affection, God’s terrible journey through Hell and back to rescue us, the pattern for art upon our deepest self?

I think so.

And not only art but life as well. What is it that we ask of our summer staff every summer? What do we train towards as we gather young people and prepare them for a summer of ministry to children. We ask them to die. Die to self and live for others. We push the counselors to reach out if they are shy, to hike and play in the meadow if they aren’t athletic, to sit quietly and listen if they are active. To die.

What is it that God has asked of each of us, every day? Yes, we all seek a happy ending. God has promised us a happy ending. But there is also death and sacrifice. Someone must die. He for us, and us, as we follow Him.

Matthew 16:4–“Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.'”

 

Boo Boo

Cookies, Cocoa, and Crashes

DSCN9154

One of our rental camps moved from January to March unexpectedly, leaving an open weekend. Not wanting the beautiful new snow to go to waste, Scruffy planned a snow day for camp counselors and other staff as well as children from our boys’ school. There is just something about a sledding party.

Camp counselors gathered at a round table in the camp lodge, playing board games in front of a crackling fire. Kids from our sons’ schools piled into their snow clothes and followed my up the mountainside along with their Dads and Moms. I found a spot where I could see both the top and bottom of the tube hill and spent the next two hours shouting myself hoarse telling the kiddos at the top whether it was clear at the bottom and safe to go. Parents held tubes for kids so they could settle themselves securely before rocketing down the hill. The tubers bounced downhill, rattling their teeth, and gaining a frosting of ice as it sprayed off the run and coated their eyebrows. Screams echoed across the mountain until chattering with cold, the kids all made their way down the trail to the camp lodge for cookies and cocoa. 

It’s not an intense chapel session or a midnight sing-a-long at Inspiration Point. But there is something about a sledding party. A chance for a teen to hang out with friends in a place where they are loved. A day for a kid to get out with his family, to laugh and play and meet new people. A child stretching to do a new activity, something that they haven’t dared before. There is great value in these simple things, plus a whole lot of good old fashioned fun. So no, despite the moved rental group, the fresh snow was not wasted at all.

 

Boo Boo

No Sorrow . . .

DSCN9157

Scruffy and I were in the worship service at church the other day. He looked over at me and asked: “Do you think that’s true?”

I paused. The line of the song said: “Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t cure.” Now both Scruffy and I have weathered our share of sorrow, Scruff more than most. Were we cured when we came to Christ? My spirit, soaring with the beauty of the song, said “Yes!” My heart, broken and changed and weighed down by the tragedies that we have seen said “No!” 

“Yes and No,” I told him. I still stand by that answer.

We see so many kids walk through the doors at camp. Innocence and joy, exuberance and fun, sorrow and heartbreak. So many children. So many stories. Some that would make you weep.

That song reminded me of the movie, Star Trek 5. Not the best of the Star Trek movies by far, but thought provoking. Spock’s brother, a strange priest character with the power to remove pain from the human heart, is gathering a mob of incredibly peaceful followers. Several of the Enterprise’s crew let him work his magic and are eerily happy with the results. But Captain Kirk refuses. “I need my pain. My pain makes me who I am!”

And what of God? Is He like Spock’s brother, washing the heart and human psyche clean of every wound? Is He like Kirk, who believes that to erase the stain of life would be to erase what a soul has become? I have mentioned this before, but I think this verse says it best.

Matthew 25:26b–“So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed?”

In the parable of the talents, the lazy servant is afraid of his fierce master, who “harvests where he has not sown and gathers where he has not scattered seed.” Now, every analogy breaks apart at some point. Perhaps this is the part of the parable that does not describe God. How can it? That doesn’t seem very honest . . . and yet. I have seen God harvesting faith, love, hope, peace, joy, patience . . . all of the fruits of the Spirit out of troubles and situations that God did not plant. God does not sin and He does not tempt people to sin and yet, out of the terrible tragedy of this dark and stormy world, He brings forth an amazing harvest.

And so my answer is still “Yes and No.”

Yes, I have found healing in God. No, I will never be the same after walking through the valley of the shadow of death. I am changed. But while I would throw the sorrow away in an instant, I do not wish to erase the strength I have gained, the understanding I now carry, the good that has come about. I think God can do incredible things with a blackened, devastated field that he did not sow with hurt. He is not above swooping in like a pirate and taking an abundant harvest from even such a terrible place. He can work miracles with the most broken and desolated of souls. I have seen it with my own eyes. Look around. Look within. Perhaps you have seen it too.

 

Boo Boo

Rhyme and Rhythm

 

DSCN9063

I was sitting in church the other day, listening to the worship music, when something occurred to me. That particular song had a sense of dissonance and clash that instantly turned the heart over, reminding me what it feels like to hurt and bleed and be in pain. But a gentle melody threaded its way through, giving a strand of hope within the dark. That song was such a picture of life. A glimpse of God’s story within our world.

The power of music, of art in all its forms. . . I think it is the rhyme and rhythm within the wild ache and clash of sound that draws us. The sense within the senselessness, the plot and story and balance of an artistic piece, the steady beat amidst all the bloodshed of life.

When there is dissonance in a song, I feel the reality of it. The terrible realness of all that surrounds us. But as the music flows together into something that makes sense, hope rises within me. It is the same for story. So much opposition is thrown up against the main character that the reader is sure life will squelch him in an arbitrary wash of senseless trouble and toil. But then there is that glimmer, that “for such a time as this” moment. The reader and the hero both realize that life is not a senseless tangle of horror. That they are where they stand for a reason. When a story finally wraps up, with all the threads untangled and the hero facing down the horror of his situation and becoming more than what he was before, it thrills the heart.

For isn’t that the ache in every heart? The longing to matter. Sometimes this world looks like a terrible mass of writhing destruction. War, enslavement, torture, destruction, tears. There are so many examples in the news and within the angry depths of our very own hearts that I shudder. And yet . . . I look outside and see a thick curtain and snow, drifting down in gentle perfection. Each flake a delicate work of art, unique and yet the same. Trees stretch out their limbs, soaking in the sun’s power and purifying the air around us. My children learn and grow, taller and more complicated every day. People change and forgive and move on to become more than anyone thought they could become. In real life, not just in the stories. 

There is a thread of reason within the terrible weight of darkness. There is God. Creator, Conqueror, Father, Friend. One who molds and makes the sensible order that flows all around us. One who chose to step down into our chaos and carve out a path to freedom. 

Isaiah 9:2–“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.”

Isn’t this why the heart lifts when we hear a song, gaze upon a powerful painting, or fall into the pages of a book? The clash and bruising of reality in art pulls you forward, but the thread of hope in that one elegant strand of order frees the heart and makes us hope. We hope that we too are more than we appear, that there is a happy ending somewhere through the darkness that requires us to take that next terrible step forward.

God speaks to us in so many ways. I am so glad that He stirred the human soul to sing and paint and write and dance, to be like Him, to create. His story is all about us, if only we are willing to pause and to see.

 

Boo Boo

Summer Staff Winter Retreat

DSCN9080

This last weekend was our annual Summer Staff Winter Retreat. A weekend where the camp counselors and other camp staff (both old veterans and new recruits) get to be the campers. It is a camp where they do not bear the weight of caring for the needs of campers, but get to rest and hang out and grow in the Lord in the quiet beauty of His creation. Of course it is not always quiet, but the joyful tumult can be refreshing as well.

We had a beautiful heap of fresh snowfall and lovely weather for tubing and outdoor activities. There were many board games played and quiet moments in the lodge as well. Ian (Faramir) Ross was the speaker and his word for the weekend was “Parched.” The woman at the well was one of his examples of our deep and abiding need to be quenched by the ministrations of the Holy Spirit rather than the remedies that we can find in this fallen world. 

I spent my time writing on the camp couch while I observed our three boys zipping around through the counselors in a rowdy pack. Occasionally, counselors would join me. I was able to interview one of them about the weekend, what it meant to her, why she came.

She told me about how busy the winter months are, with school and running start, deadlines and due dates, home issues and the things you have to deal with every day. Things just pile up on top of each other, especially during the Holiday season. But camp was an escape for her, an opportunity to take a pause from the turmoil and strain.

“Camp regenerates you,” she said.

I understand what she means. Watching the snow drift down in a steady, silent, cloak across the forest. Listening to the campers laughing as they sat hunched over a board game or their screams of terror on the tube hill as they rushed down the slope clutching a tube for dear life. Hearing them sing in the soft light of the lodge at night, accompanied by acoustic guitar. Raising their hands, closing their eyes, lifting their voices as one before the Lord. It was lovely, peaceful. A time to take in a great gulp and air and pause. A time to notice God and seek Him, ignoring the bustle and push, resting in His power and love.

What about you? Do you take the time to pause, to rest and seek and be restored? It was a pleasure to see God at work, with nothing but a handful of teens and the blinding glory of His creation all around us. As ever, that is enough for God. He doesn’t need much to do great things.

 

Boo Boo

 

A Portal Story

DSCN8916

Camp is like a portal story.

Do you like portal stories? The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe or The Lost World or The Paradise War or The Polar Express, these are all portal stories. I’m actually writing a portal story right now. A portal story takes the protagonist through some kind of portal and into another world. Whether it is an old wardrobe, a deadly plateau in South America, a Celtic burial mound, or a mysterious train, portal stories take you to a magical place. Just like camp.

When you walk into camp, you walk into another world. Camp takes normal, everyday people and turns them into campers or counselors. It resides outside of the ordinary. Deep in the forest, away from homework and cellphones, traffic tickets and PE. People sing at camp, when they won’t anywhere else on earth. Sometimes they even do hand motions! People play pranks at camp and rush through the forest in camouflage clothing and eat an entire bowl of Jell-O just because someone said that they couldn’t. Camp opens the eye to the amazing creation that surrounds us and opens the heart to the amazing God who made us and loves us as His own.

Even God wrote a portal story. One about how He saw that we would never reach Him no matter how hard we tried. So He stepped down from on high, into our world, to give us a chance.

I love portal stories. How about you?

 

Boo Boo

Lost

DSCN8862

Have you ever been lost? Not just confused or turned around, but completely and inexplicably lost? I have, and I was not a child left alone at the fair or in the mall. I was 32 years old and it was terrifying.

Scruffy and I had flown into Colorado to visit family and friends. Our three boys had just finished their very first plane ride and a long drive in the car. We walked up a hill to the local park to goof off until dinner. Something strange about Colorado is that the weather can literally change in an instant. I’m serious, they can have a hot summer day that is interrupted by snowfall. It was warm and sunny, shirtsleeve weather. One of our boys was in shorts and a t-shirt running around barefoot. I was barefoot too.  When he had an accident, I took our then five-year-old by the hand and we walked to my aunt’s house to change. It got colder and colder, cold enough to snow. We walked and walked, barefoot and carrying our shoes. I couldn’t find the house. I couldn’t find the street. I stopped and made my son put on his shoes. We kept walking. We were thirsty, but there was nowhere to get a drink. We were tired and cold and hungry, but passed house after tightly closed house, knowing that none of them was for us.

I’d never realized the deep, sweeping fear that comes with homelessness. I could not protect my child from the elements. I could not ease his tears with anything but a hug. I could not get him a drink or change his wet clothes. We had nowhere to go. I would have been thrilled to find a police man or a homeless shelter or just some person with a cell phone. But there was nothing but houses and they were closed to us.

I was only homeless for about an hour and a half, but the feeling is still with me. Eventually, we walked out of the residential area and found a pizza delivery place with a map. That moment when I finally found the right house and knocked. When Abuela (whom I had never met before) flung the door open and pulled us into her arms with tears and shouts of praise, I will never forget it.

I was running to the library in the rain last week. Driving rain at 35 degrees F is incredibly cold. Just my rush to the book drop box and back soaked my clothes. My mind flitted back to that moment of homelessness. My heart clenched tight as I knew that there were moms out there in such a storm, holding a child’s hand, lost and without a place to go.

What does this have to do with camp? Wen I interview campers and counselors about Camas, that is the phrase I hear most of all.

“Camp is home to me.” or “Camas is my family.”

Even when we have shelter and a place to put our things, sometimes we still feel that crushing weight of homelessness. But pull a kid into a cabin full of laughing, shouting, teasing, tumbling kids. Wrap them up with love and care, good food, and fun games. Take the time to answer their questions about God and life and that strange butterfly on the path that they noticed and no one else did. That feels like the door bursting open and Abuela snatching you into her arms and shouting across the house “They are here!” That feels like another story I have heard before. One with a worried shepherd and a bleating lamb tangled and alone on thorny mountainside.

And so as I watched the rain fall last week and the snow drift down today, I thank God that I was found. I am spurred on once more. Spurred on to do this thing God has called us to do, in the place He has called us to be. It sounds so simple, “camp.” But the simple can be sacred as well. A place where we can finally see God, where we can finally come home.

DSCN8860

 

Boo Boo

Fall CamasCon 2015

DSCN8767

This last weekend was the 9th annual CamasCon Christian Board Gaming Retreat. This is a camp where Christian gamers get together to play strategy boards until their eyes are crossed and their behinds are numb from sitting still through epic board game experiences such as the seven hour long Twilight Imperium III, or the Settlers of Catan tournament where sixteen campers battle it out for the title of Champion of Catan.

DSCN8773

In preparation for the big event, Scruffy moved his personal board game collection over to the camp. This year he weighed all the games as he moved them. There is a reason Scruff’s back is always hurting after CamasCon. The total is in… his collection weighs an amazing 667 pounds.

DSCN8785

Nearly 700 pounds, plus all of the games that other campers brought with them, produced a ton of fun for big kids at heart and younger gamers alike.

DSCN8788

Mike Vanderveen was the speaker this year and he challenged the campers to use the fun of gaming to develop true friendships where Christ can be shared with others.

DSCN8769

So whether they won or lost, CamasCon brought Christian gamers together for a time of deepening their relationship with the Lord and with each other and quite possibly finally taking home the victory from that one particular person who always beat them at Settlers, every single year.

 

Boo Boo

Renovations

DSCN8750

Here at Camas Meadows we are incredibly blessed. There are so many amazing people who simply love the camp and that love overflows in fabulous projects like this. The porch on Squirrel Cabin has been in need of replacement for some time. Built in the 70s that porch has weathered rowdy boy campers and actual weather alike, but had come to its last leg after many years of faithful service. The problem, camp did not have the funds for such a project. But out of the blue, one of our counselor parents, stepped in and made this beautiful renovation of Squirrel cabin possible. John and Sue Torrence’s three children are no longer campers or counselors, and yet Camas has remained in this family’s heart. Clint Griffith milled the lumber and then John came up to camp, day after day (even on Sue’s birthday…thank you Sue!) and built the porch, by himself, as a labor of love. But that’s not all.

DSCN8752

Many of you have enjoyed being doused with water in the camp’s aging dunk tank. That much-loved feature finally passed on last year. Above is our brand new dunk tank, designed and built once again, by John Torrence. A clear plastic liner will allow campers to enjoy each dunking, even after the dunkee is submerged! Thank you so very much! We could not do this without you and realize that we are beyond a doubt, incredibly blessed.

 

Boo Boo